I Grew Up

I grew up with nothing
I watched my family struggle through poverty
The judgemental looks from strangers as my mom paid with foodstamps
The pity as my dad and step mom got evicted from our house

I grew up with no expectations
I thought this was normal
That everyone lived this way
I learned that I deserve nothing
And not to ask

I grew up with a lot of questions, but very few answers
I was told to stop asking
Sometimes with a lecture
Othertimes with a slap across the face

I grew up, but I never really lived
I survived
I endured long and meaningless hours alone in my room
I cried for my present and worried for the future

I grew up, and here I am
They say I am an adult
I don’t know what that means
I am standing on a fragile structure
One that has been on the verge of crashing
For my whole life

I grew up, but feel I need to start over
I need to replace parts of this structure with stronger pieces
Each piece I add, another part falls
Sometimes many all at once
I watch my life crumble away
I worry that everything will collapse at once
But if it does, I will endure