If I Die Tomorrow

Sometimes I find myself in conversations talking about what I would choose to do today if I knew I was going to die tomorrow. But I think a better question is what I would choose to do today if I didn’t know I was going to die tomorrow? Would these answers be the same? Would they be radically different? Some people may answer this first question by saying they’d spend time with loved ones. Others may have something crazier in mind, like skydiving, traveling to a foreign country, or telling everyone exactly how they feel without fear of repercussions.

We see death as some far away thing. Almost as if we are aware objectively that it will happen one of these days, but don’t fully accept that one of these days could be today or tomorrow.

I know there’s that cliche saying that you should live everyday as if it were your last, but who actually follows this advice everyday? If this were your last day and you didn’t know it, would you be happy with how to chose to spend it? Did you feel fulfilled? Was there any point in which you felt fully engrossed in the present moment and grateful for the beauty of life?

Did it feel good to talk negatively behind someone’s back? Did you get a sense of inner peace as you mindlessly scrolled through your instagram feed for the thousandth time?

Why do we have such an obsession with how we might spend the last day and not an obsession with how we spend all of the other days? If it were possible to calculate the average of your entire life experience, would you feel proud? Would you live it the same exact way if you had the chance? If not, what would you change?

Of course these questions are difficult to answer. Maybe your answers will change day to day. Maybe next year, your passion will be different. There is no right way to do this whole life thing. We are all just floating around on this planet for some time and then move onto whatever is next. What is important though, is the act of questioning what you are doing. To what extent you do this is up to you. It is entirely subjective. There are no correct answers, and that is both the most beautiful part yet equally terrifying at the same time.

These past few days, I’ve spent the little money I have traveling through Puerto Rico. I have met some of the most unique people on this trip. It has only been two days, and yet feels like much longer. I am constantly told by people that I am brave for traveling. That it is dangerous. That if I choose to walk around alone, I am putting my life at risk. Maybe people are right.

Honestly I don’t really care. I could die at any time. Regardless of where I am, the threat continues to loom around the corner. But, I am not alone in this. The threat exists in all of our lives.

I want each day to be an adventure. My last day will be no different from the rest. It will not be unique. It is time for all of us to accept death right now, because if we do not, then the fear of it will prevent us from living every single day completely and fully.