Major Life Transitions

There have been a few points in my life in which I knew that everything was about to change forever. I mostly looked forward to these experiences. Switching schools two separate times, moving in with different family members, leaving for college, and now preparing to enter the “real world.”

Of course, there were many other smaller turning points in my life not mentioned here which have impacted me in profound ways. But, the unique part about each of the experiences I just listed is the fact that I knew I was alone in the transition.

Each turning point put me in a new environment, around new people, a completely unfamiliar atmosphere, and gave me the opportunity to start fresh.

I have never stayed in one place for too long. Each cycle lasts maybe three or four years. Such a short time to fully adapt. I’m not too sure what it means or what it would feel like to stay in one place for any longer than that.

As I sit here now, I am thinking about the fact that this period of my life is about to end. The people I love and care about are going to be somewhere else. They are moving on. I am moving on. Maybe we will cross paths one of these days. Maybe we will keep in touch and be friends for life. Maybe we will never see each other again.

It is bittersweet. In only about two months, I am going to leave it all behind. I feel nervous for what is next. I don’t really know where I will be, what I will be doing, or who I will surround myself with.

Perhaps in this next part of my life I will find friends that I connect with so deeply and profoundly – more so than anyone else I have ever met. Maybe I will grow to appreciate people differently as I mature. Maybe I will realize that I surround myself with a particular type of person or personality type ~ or I could end up surrounding myself with entirely different people.

These past few years in college have been some of the best times of my life. I found my passions. I fell in love. I had my heart broken. I’ve experienced the death of close family members. I’ve traveled all over the world. Some of these things were completely out of my control. I could have never predicted how my life would be now a few years ago.

I have learned lessons that are difficult to express fully in words. I have felt emotions and begun to understand myself and the world around me in ways I wouldn’t have been able to comprehend before this period of my life. I have grown intellectually, spiritually, and mentally.

I find this period of my life difficult to leave because I feel it was the first one I truly enjoyed. I felt like I had control over my life for the first time – like I could do anything that I wanted to do without fear.

The limits that have been placed on me for so long have slowly began to fade away. I feel lucky. Not everyone has the same type of opportunities.

I think fear and excitement are two feelings that are closely linked to one another. Maybe they produce the same type of body reactions, but are just perceived in different ways. I feel terrified to leave this chapter in December. The uncertainty is like a deep black hole. I am about to jump inside.

Maybe the blackhole will destroy me. It may be excruciatingly painful, but it also may lead to another beautiful reality. I don’t know what’s on the other side, but that’s what makes it so exciting. I have no idea what to expect.

As I prepare to jump inside, I realize that I am alone. Nobody else is jumping with me, but everyone else has to jump at some point. We are all scared, but it is this fear that unites us.