Breaking Up With Friends

One of the saddest aspects of life is the realization that no matter how deeply you may love someone, in a platonic or romantic sense, sometimes the relationship is not meant to be.

A friendship with a particular person may be full of laughter, fun times together, and intellectual conversations, but that doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship is perfect.

Sometimes there is something missing. It may take years to figure this out. If you are looking at this person through rose colored glasses, the relationship will look beautiful. Whatever is lacking will be blurry and difficult to fully discern.

But sooner or later these rose colored glasses will come off and you will begin to see this person through a different perspective. Negative aspects of the relationship that have been around for years will come to light. Maybe there is a part of you that was aware of these issues all along, but chose to ignore the red flags.

Once these glasses are off, you cannot put them back on. The issues are apparent, and now is the time to make a decision.

Of course this decision will not be easy. How do you know what you are “supposed” to accept in a relationship? What is toxic and what is normal? Does the positive negate the negative? Or vice versa?

I have been asking myself these questions a lot lately. As I transition into the next stage of my life, I must make some difficult decisions. Who is a true friend and who should I leave behind? There is no right answer.

I wonder if I surround myself with a particular type of toxic person. I also question my own responsibility in these friendships. Am I in the wrong and am blind to it? Is ending a friendship the appropriate response when I notice negative patterns? What negative patterns exist in myself that impact those around me?

I hope to foster open and honest relationships with my loved ones. I want to surround myself with people who truly care about me enough to call me out for my own bullshit that I may be blind to. I will return the favor and we will both grow as a result of honest communication.

Unfortunately, not everyone is able to have a real, adult friendship. Some people are selfish and immature. They are not yet at the point where they can handle something so important. Maybe in a few years this will change, but maybe it never will. Who knows? It is not your responsibility to wait for someone to change.

It truly is tragic. I have had to let go of some friends I genuinely loved with my entire heart and soul. But if a friendship is unhealthy, it doesn’t matter how deep the love runs. If a friendship continuously hurts you, it is time to fully assess the situation and make a decision. Stay or leave, but make sure the decision you make is rooted in your values. Make sure the decision is compatible with your life goals and tradjectory.

The decisions we make now about who deserves a place in our lives will impact our present and future. If you determine the relationship is over, don’t look back. Never settle for less than you deserve. Move on. Move forward with life. There are other, healthier relationships that will eventually take their place. Listen to your gut, even if you feel scared. You will be better off as a result of it.