Do You Believe in Destiny?

I strongly believe that anything that happens in life, no matter how shitty it may seem at the time, was supposed to happen. I think maybe we are destined to go on certain paths, and perhaps we won’t understand why at the time, but the truth with reveal itself to you if you’re patient enough.

I try to operate under this mindset, and maybe part of it is so that I don’t get too upset when things don’t turn out as planned. It helps me accept everything that comes my way, regardless of whether or not I wanted that particular outcome. 

Perhaps this is a bit morbid, but sometimes I think that, for example, if plans get cancelled last minute it is because if I followed through with that particular path, something terrible could have happened. If my flight gets delayed, I wonder if it’s because the original flight would have crashed, or in the least, something else negative may have happened that’s way worse than the current reality.

Who knows for sure if these events would have actually unfolded in a worse way had they come true? Maybe I just like to view life optimistically and try to see the silver lining no matter how disastrous or annoying the situation may be.

Sometimes shitty things happen and all you can do is laugh at the absurdity of it. My first day in Panama back in the middle of December, the airport lost my luggage and all I could do was hope that eventually it would show up before it was time to leave again. Afterwards, I went to Germany and had no means to wash myself because I had no soap or shampoo. All of the stores were closed, and I was feeling gross. I ended up taking a shower with hand soap and lotion. Around a week ago, I arrived in South Africa. After not eating a proper meal in close to 24 hours, I went out to a restaurant and found a ladybug in my salad. And, most recently, I fell and sprained my ankle the second day of a long five month study abroad program.

Each time these events occurred, I merely thought, “Wow.” They were all annoying, of course, but maybe they were meant to happen for some reason that I don’t understand. Maybe my bag got lost and it allowed me to travel for a few days without so much weight on my back, allowing me to relax a little bit for the first part of my trip. (Also forgot to mention that I made two awesome friends because of this whose bags were also missing!) I’m not so sure if there is some meaning behind showering with hand soap and lotion, but I suppose it could be a funny story in the least, or some greater lesson about the importance of being flexible and adaptable. When I saw the ladybug in my salad, I thought maybe it could mean good luck. And now, with this sprained ankle, maybe I finally have a chance to let myself relax after being on overdrive for so long.

I think everything that happens in our lives is just another opportunity to learn something new. We can choose to be upset or angry when annoyances or difficulties arise, but this won’t take away the problems we’re facing. It will only make them worse. If there’s no way to alleviate the situation at hand, the only thing we can do is accept that it exists and move forward. 

This lesson was a difficult one to learn in my life. When I was a child, I was quite miserable and thought that nothing would ever get better. I felt trapped and alone, wondering why I couldn’t just have a ‘normal’ life like everyone else. I felt like I was wasting my life away, always grounded and locked up in my bedroom. I wanted to escape, experience life, meet new people, and explore. But, instead, I was forced to find exploration within the confines of my own bedroom. I explored my mind. I decorated my room over and over and over again. I read whatever books came my way. 

And through these experiences, I have grown to understand my thoughts quite well. I am closer to myself than perhaps any other person. I fell in love with reading and acquiring new knowledge. I saw beauty in the way a space can be arranged, which eventually led me to my studies of city planning. Even though, at the time, I didn’t understand why I was suffering, I now know that those moments were an integral part of my life later down the road. 

Feeling trapped and alone made me empathetic towards people who are locked up in prison. Through these experiences, I’ve explored the prison system to great depths, spent years tutoring those who are locked away, and have made some beautiful friendships along the way. Exploring the Mass Incarceration System made me curious about other systems that structure our society. I, then, started studying the Education System and realized they’re all flawed in outrageous ways. I started to understand the fact that our world runs off of inequality. 

And from these insights, I’ve found a place to channel my anger and extra energy. I feel angry that I was abused and that I’ve missed out on many years of my life. But, that anger now has a place to go. I use this anger to fuel my passions. I use it to fight against inequalities that exist. My extra anxious energy goes towards learning as much as possible about the world so that I can make it a better place. 

My need to explore has led me to 15 different countries, and my drive to connect with others has allowed me to develop beautiful friendships with people from all over the world. 

If not for the sacrifices I made when I was younger, I would not be where or who I am today. So now, each annoyance or difficulty that arises is only life trying to teach me something new. Maybe I won’t understand these lessons until I am much older, but it is well worth the wait.