How to Handle Confrontation

Finding the best way to confront someone about a problem you’re facing is difficult because you must find that perfect balance between expressing your thoughts fully and clearly and not coming across as an asshole.

It doesn’t matter what you are confronting someone about, whether it be the fact that they never clean their dishes or that you feel you’ve been taken advantage of in the relationship, it’s difficult to find the words to express clearly how you’re feeling in the moment. 

Sometimes it’s easier to just not say anything at all, especially when the problem really isn’t too big. But, then this method could cause issues to pile up overtime. And then before you know it, you’re exploding over a dirty spoon in the sink and your roommate starts crying and all of a sudden, something catches on fire and it’s all a whole big mess. I honestly prefer to avoid this as much as possible, although, I definitely have my moments (and if you’ve ever been my roommate, you probably have seen at least one explosion). 

Some people like to go the passive aggressive route, avoiding the issue entirely, losing the friendship along the way, and never fully addressing any issues that have existed in the relationship at all. I get it. It’s not easy to talk to someone about something that’s bothering you, but I’m not so sure this is worth losing a friendship over. I’ve had quite a few friendships end because of similar reasons during my lifetime. 

Then, there’s the blunt route, directly telling people what’s pissing you off as soon as it happens. Although, if not handled delicately, this could also come across as aggressive and end in disaster. Or, in the least, it could push your friends away because they think they need to walk on eggshells around you, fearing that whatever they do will result in some uncomfortable confrontation. 

Are there any other ways to handle confrontation? How are we supposed to handle conflict when it seems that every method has potentially harmful consequences? 

I think from here, it’s important to assess how we build our friendships. What is the foundation? What holds together the relationship? Is the basis rooted in important core values, or is it rooted in something a little more superficial? Is the most important aspect of the relationship being happy and having fun? Or is it about being open and having honest communication with one another? 

Whatever the core of the relationship is will be what you revert to when problems arise. If you only care about being happy and comfortable in the relationship, then you’ll avoid anything that causes sadness or anger and discomfort. It’s pretty difficult to confront someone, though, without the situation being at least a little bit uncomfortable. 

However, if something like open and honest communication is at the core of your relationships, then when problems arise, this is what you’ll revert to. The discomfort will be unpleasant, for sure, but it is a necessary aspect in forming deep and meaningful relationships with those around you. 

The values we choose play key roles in many areas of our lives. They can make or break friendships. They can impact how we view ourselves. And they can dictate how we handle conflict. 

If you make it a priority to be honest in your relationships, then it will build trust with those around you. The occasional passive aggressive comment, explosion, or aggressive confrontation will be easier to overlook because they will all become the anomalies. Being honest with how you feel the majority of the time and prioritizing being open with your thoughts and emotions will make confrontations with friends and loved ones easier. Overtime, confrontations will become less scary. Overtime, you’ll start to realize that honestly communicating how you feel is what makes relationships stronger, and allowing yourself to feel uncomfortable and vulnerable together will turn superficial friendships into intimate relationships.