Letting Go

Whenever I am transitioning to another part of my life, leaving people behind, and going to another place, I can’t help but wonder if I enjoyed my time as much as I should have. I wonder if I was present in the moment enough.

What does it mean to be fully “here?” It feels as though time passes so quickly when you’re reflecting back on the past. I can’t tell if I am even remembering the moment as I actually experienced it. Apparently our memory deceives us. We reflect back on certain times in our lives and our perception is skewed.

When I think back to some of the experiences I’ve had in my life, it sometimes feels as though I am thinking about someone else’s life. How can this be my own? How can we trust that the past actually happened? If the only moment that exists is the present moment, what happens to the past? Where does it go? Is it lost?

Graduating from college soon, I wonder how these four years have passed so quickly. I feel like I was a different person when I came than the one I am today. I feel ready to move on, but can’t help but look back on this time with a sense of nostalgia and sadness.

I know if I ever return, things just wouldn’t be the same. It’s hard to let go of the person that you once were. And I know that once I fully leave school, that person will be gone.

Maybe there are aspects of me that carry over, but not my entire self. I know that it’s time to move onto a different part of my life, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that letting go is hard. Before I know it, the next stage of my life will be over. I’ll be in another state of transition with a different set of eyes. My current self will only be a faded memory of the past.

I find it difficult to enjoy the present moment at the same time as being aware that it won’t last forever. I find it hard to let go sometimes because I worry I didn’t hold on tight enough when I was in the moment. But if I don’t learn how to let go, then I will be holding on to a self of the past. I won’t be learning and growing if I can’t accept the fact that change is the only constant.

I wonder how I’ll reflect back on my life now when I am much older and am nearing the end of it. Will I be content with what I’ve done? What stories will I tell myself and others? Will these stories accurately describe my life? And will I be ready to move on?