A Love Letter to Myself

I usually like to downplay my own accomplishments. I don’t like to admit that I worked really hard for what I have. I don’t like to seem like I’m bragging.

I say, “oh yeah it was no big deal. I was just lucky.” I brush compliments to the side with a bit of embarassment because if you’re in the spotlight for too long, other people may get angry or jealous.

They may try to tear down your success. They’ll start to talk about you behind your back because your accomplishments seem threatening. Maybe this is what I’m afraid of.

And so I tear myself down before they even have the chance. And, who knows, maybe they’re still slandering my name and I don’t even know it. I stopped owning my accomplishments and didn’t realize that, in doing so, I sabatoged myself.

I refrain from telling myself how proud I am because I don’t know how to express self love.

My roommate told me that I should write a love letter to myself, and I thought this could be an interesting exercise to try. So, here we go.

Dear Tori,

You’ve been through a lot in life. But, this doesn’t make you weak. In fact, you’re incredibly strong. Your mind is quick and you can find a solution to the most difficult of problems while remaining calm. This is my favorite thing about you. No matter how difficult the situation may be, you somehow find a way to make it work.

You studied relentlessly throughout school and found yourself with a full ride to a prestigeous university. Your dream of going to college had finally become a reality. You worked full time in high school because you understood the importance of supporting yourself financially as soon as possible. You challenged yourself, and placed yourself in positions that seemed impossible at the time, but handled them with relative ease. You started taking college classes when you weren’t even yet done with high school, surrounding youself with people years older than you despite the fact that doing so was terrifying.

You looked every fear you had (and continue to have) directly in the eye and dove in headfirst. It didn’t matter if you had no idea what the outcome was going to be because you knew, deep down, that everything would be okay in the end. And if it was not okay, there would be a way to make it work.

You took advantage of every single opportunity that came your way, from being a Youth Representative at the United Nations during your freshman year of college to somehow finding a way to travel to sixteen different countries in the past three years.

You shamelessly nominated yourself for every single award possible because you knew that winning at least one would give you the money to pay off a few months worth of rent.

You speak your mind even if it makes people feel uncomfortable. You speak your truth even if it’s not popular. You stand up for what is right and don’t care what others think.

You took it upon yourself to address your PTSD, depression, anxiety and abuse, reading book after book until it finally clicked. Now you know what to do when these negative feelings arise. You have the strength and power to handle yourself at your worst.

You admit that you’re ignorant about a lot of topics and choose to read and absorb as much as possible because this knowledge enriches your life. It doesn’t matter to you if the topic is boring because you genuinely believe that all knowledge is valuable, and closing yourself off to it just because it may not be interesting is severely limiting.

You won a national scholarship to study abroad, and although you threw out the letter from Trump that accompanied it, still thought it was pretty cool that your accomplishments were noticed by the President of the United States.

You genuinely care about other people and actively listen to them when you’re having a conversation. The close connections you are able to make with so many people are incredibly beautiful.

Despite your young age, you’re wise beyond your years. The insights you have had already are often thought provoking and quite profound. You should be proud of yourself for this.

And although your biggest fear is wasting your life away, everything that you’ve done already is more than many people will do in their entire lives. Your goals and dreams for the future are attainable and I’m excited to see the incredible things you accomplish in your lifetime.

Continue to be the beautiful, strong, smart, outspoken woman that you are. I love you so much.

Sincerely,
Tori