I Used to Say

I used to say

“You stupid idiot”

“How could you be so dumb?”

“You’re a failure.” 

When I made mistakes

Words reserved for someone we hate

But sometimes that person is us

My own worst enemy. 

If these words were directed at another person,

They would be considered abuse.

And yet we say them to ourselves

Because we think that they’ll somehow make us better

We’ll work harder

But we believe we’re failures already

Nice words are only reserved for others

Because we believe they deserve them more than we do

But what do we deserve?

The hate,

It grows.

Past the bounds of ourselves,

and slips into our interactions with others.

Once kind and loving,

We become hateful and condescending.

Tearing down the boundaries between us and them,

The lines become blurred

Our internal abuse, now external

It’s hard to tell the difference.

Now I say

“It’s okay.”

“This is an opportunity to learn.”

“Failure helps us grow.”

When I make mistakes

Words reserved for someone I love

And now that person is me

My own best friend.

When I direct these words at other people,

They would be considered love.

And so I say them to myself

Because they make me better

I’ll work harder

When I believe that failure is not the end of me

Nice words are reserved for everyone

Because we all deserve compassion

The love,

It grows.

Past the bounds of ourselves,

and slips into our interactions with others.

Once hateful and condescending,

We become kind and loving.

Tearing down the boundaries between us and them,

The lines become blurred

Our internal love, now external

It’s hard to tell the difference.