So I quit my job…

It’s so incredibly easy to talk about our dreams for years without actually doing anything about them. Writing that book, starting that business, moving to that country, whatever. It’s like we’re waiting for some magical sign that says, “Okay, you’re ready! Go ahead.” But really that magical sign never comes.

So we get stuck in these cycles of perfectionism, trying to improve ourselves to the point at which we can actually achieve whatever goals we set our minds to – making the leap of faith into the unknown into a smaller and smaller gap overtime, until it becomes a little hop instead of a great jump. But really, this gap is an avoidance technique. The leap will always be present, and the smaller gap is merely an illusion that keeps us stuck.

Or maybe we fill our lives with so much unnecessary busywork, constantly keeping us distracted with other things that we don’t really care about so much, so that we don’t have the time to execute a plan. Our dreams lay on the back burner and we say, “in the future…”

One of two things will happen. Either we will be indefinitely stuck, talking about dreams that will never amount to anything, or we will finally take the leap and experience the unknown drop that awaits us.

I guess the scary part about dreams is actually achieving them. It’s like you’ve built this up in your mind for so long that the thought of really having it seems like a distant possibility – always ahead of the present moment. Always tomorrow, next month, next year. But maybe the future never truly comes because the only moment you can act in is the present. How do you make that connection from the present to the future, finally binding the two? And then let’s say you actually do it, then what happens next?

Something I personally worry about is not being fully satisfied when I get there. I worry my dream won’t match what I’ve idealized it to be in my mind. I’m scared to let go of the ideal and live with the reality. And maybe that’s all that dreams are: us idealizing where we will be in the future. Maybe we’re afraid to face the fact that the two will never fully align.

Another thing I think about is: what happens to your sense of self after you achieve a dream? I mean, I think about mine so much that they kind of attach themselves to my ego. Actually doing something about them forces us to let go of that part of ourselves that we’ve held onto for so long – that we’ve internalized – and finally make it external. It’s no longer part of you in that same way it was before. I guess this also connects to the whole idealization vs reality dichotomy. The internal is what we idealize, whereas the external is the actual reality. Transitioning from internal to external is effectively letting go of that part of our ego and changing it to something else that is not possible to completely foresee until it’s already here.

And then, when you do achieve a dream, are you done? Is your life over? what’s the point of going on if you’ve already accomplished everything you’ve set out to do? I guess this is where creativity comes into play. Your dreams just become bigger and grander overtime, and it’s on you to think of more as you achieve each one.

I’ve been thinking about this for myself a lot lately. I’m enjoying the place I’m at in my life. I like my job. However, this is not my dream. I’m attached to something that, at best, I view quite fondly. I don’t want to get stuck in the trap of waiting for my dreams to spontaneously happen. Mentally, I’ve taken the leap of faith. Leading up to it, I experienced a lot of fear and resistance. I didn’t feel fully ready. I worried for the future and dwelled on the past for quite a while. But once I jumped, something else happened. Relief washed over me. I felt calm. I feel calm. I’m falling and I don’t know what will happen next. But, oddly, I feel okay with that.

Actually, I feel better than okay. I feel like I’ve made the right choice. I feel a trust and faith in myself and my own abilities more so than I’ve ever felt before. I will land somewhere eventually and I’m excited to see where that may be.