Why is Gender Relevant?

The other day I went to a bar, and at one point, I was the only woman at the table. The guys were having a conversation about something, but honestly I wasn’t paying attention, so I can’t say what it was about. But then I heard, “We shouldn’t talk about this with a woman at the table.” At that point in the convo, I couldn’t help but wonder why my gender was relevant in any way.

Am I not allowed to hear certain conversations? Does my innocence need to be protected? Do topics need to be censored around me? And if so, why is that the case? I am not a child.

Why does my gender matter? And, really, what does it mean to be a woman vs a man? Is gender a physical thing – should I be wearing certain clothes, colors, or hairstyles? Is it about the shape of my features and body? Is it a set list of personality traits or dispositions? Is it a role that I’m expected to play?

I suppose, in this particular period in time in the United States, women generaly have long hair, wear dresses and skirts, and make up a large portion of caretaking careers. Surely there must be something more to it than that. Isn’t it pretty limiting to define a huge chunk of the population as a list of qualities and physical characteristics and treat them differently depending on their respective list?

I don’t know if I “feel” like a woman or a man because to me, it all seems like some nebulous social construct that’s subject to change as time goes on. Maybe it’s easier for humans to put things into binary categories and ignore the gray areas, but nothing is so black and white.

The biggest distinction I notice when it comes to gender is how we’re treated by society at large. Because I am a woman, I am sexualized by the media. I am valued for my appearance far more than I am for my intelligence. I am a bitch if I stand up for myself, and I’m a slut (or a prude) if I take ownership of my body and sexuality.

More than anything, gender is used as a means to hold a huge portion of the population back.

I don’t want any of this to discount the struggles that trans women or trans men face because to many of them, they feel like the gender that they present themselves as and their identities should definitely be respected. Multiple truths that are seemingly paradoxical can exist concurrently.

I guess I just don’t really understand what all of this gender stuff means, and I’m tired of it determining so many facets of my life and daily interactions.