self sabotage

Sometimes
I think I’m afraid
Of everything going right
While my mind wanders
To the worst case scenario
I am scared
To picture the best case scenario
I distract myself with negativity
Because I don’t want to get my hopes up
Maybe in a way
Disappointment is my crutch
And it holds me back
The possibility
Of getting everything I want
Seems foreboding
Afraid to lose it all
Sometimes I pursue nothing