the garden of my mind

mentally attached
to thoughts and beliefs
can’t tell if they’re my own
or if they’ve been planted there

through years of cultivation
manual labor
it wasn’t my work
but somewhere along the way
i took over.

focused on replicating the patterns
because that’s what i knew

and i wondered
why the flowers kept dying
and the food wasn’t growing
why i felt empty at times

but maybe
the patterns were wrong
designed to keep me stuck
whether through intelligent design
or willful ignorance

the outcome is still the same.

i long
for a lush, green garden

a place to be myself
whole and healthy
colorful orchids
trees brimming with fruit

the process is slow
i know it won’t happen overnight

but
the best time to plant a tree
was ten years ago
and the second best time
is today.