mindless monotony

my days all feel the same
a repetitive pattern
but my mind is always different

and somehow
monotony isn’t as mindless
as I had once thought

it’s the small details
i never paid attention to before

my coffee
always tastes slightly different
depending on the pour of the creamer

and the sky
isn’t the same blue
as it was yesterday

my feelings
are ever changing

somehow i always manage
to spill at least one drink a day
and forget to make my bed
more often than not
i give into my sugar cravings

a pattern of cycles
and a cycle of patterns

i was always scared
to fall victim to
mindless monotony
drifting through my days
as i had done hundreds of times before
stuck on autopilot
sleeping through life

suddenly waking up
fifty years later
and wondering
where the time went

questioning my life decisions
and whether or not
i truly enjoyed my time
or wasted it away
waiting for the end

i thought that
every moment
needed to be extraordinary
but if they’re all amazing
then the simple things
don’t matter at all

always seeking a thrill
reaching out for more
but maybe what i am is enough
and i shouldn’t validate my life
through the things i do
and the way i’m seen

because actions are meaningless
if they’re not experienced fully

sleeping through fun
and sleeping through boredom
are one in the same.