Kill Your Ego

Each of us has a certain perception of ourselves. It is full of both positive and negative attributes and patterns. We identify strongly with these patterns overtime and start to believe that these patterns make up who we are.

Instead of trying to fix the negative, we believe that others have to accept it. We don’t change because these patterns, this conceptualization that forms us, make up our egos. Our egos will do anything to survive, and changing any major aspect of ourselves puts our ego in danger.

The most damaged of us will idealize love, falsely believing that another person will save us. They will accept the worst parts of ourselves and we will never have to change. Maybe we will also look for equally damaged people, believing that we can save them. We can fix all of their underlying issues, change them into the best versions of themselves. They likely believe they can do the same to you.

Unfortunately if both people are focused on saving the other and not saving themselves, the patterns will not stop. Nobody can really save us except for ourselves.

But sometimes instead of working on ourselves, we get comfortable with what we have done for so long. We are afraid to let go of toxic people and toxic habits because we are holding onto hope that they will eventually improve, or maybe because we believe this toxicity makes up a major part of who we are. Perhaps we aren’t even aware that every single person in our life is toxic and the only solution is to leave.

It is a hard realization to come to. To realize that letting go is the best way to move forward with our lives is a bit heartbreaking. But if we do not, then we are bound to keep repeating the same problems over and over again until we die.

If this is the only life we are guaranteed to live, then it is important to priortize the right things and the right people. We have to do the difficult work of cutting out negativity, in ourselves, our environment, and the people we surround ourselves with. There will be consequences to these actions, but they are well worth it if it means living a better life.

Unfortunately, some people may run away from their problems and create the same environment in a new location. This will not solve anything. If similar problems exist in this new place, then the move was worthless. If we haven’t worked hard to improve ourselves, then we are bound to continue our own issues until we are ready to finally address them.

If we do not call out our own bullshit and take the proper steps to improve ourselves, we will be the exact same person we were ten, twenty, or even thirty years ago. We will be complaining about the same problems over and over again. We will continue to tell everyone around us that we hate our job, but never quit. We will get stuck in unhappy marriages, or with close friends that take everything and give nothing.

Overtime, instead of making difficult and completely necessary changes, we will find ways to dull the pain. When we feel it start to hurt again, we will reach for our vice to drown out the sound of our hearts and bodies screaming in agony.

It doesn’t have to be this way. We don’t have to be unhappy forever. It is a choice. We can choose to let go of all that is holding us back, but we first need to accept that if we do so, we will be letting go of a huge portion of ourselves along the way.