The Fun Game of Playing “Feminist Victim”

I don’t know what guys out there need to hear this, but if you are hitting on a girl and she says no, you have to respect that as an answer. It’s really difficult to say no once, let alone four or five (or however many times the question is asked) different times.

I’m getting incredibly annoyed with men not respecting no for an answer (yeah, yeah not all men, whatever). Repeatedly asking, hoping for the answer to change might work eventually. And maybe it has worked for you in the past. But, more likely than not, the woman will give in because she feels threatened or scared that you will hurt her if she doesn’t eventually say yes.

Traveling alone as a female has been full of difficulties surrounding these issues. Sometimes, multiple times a day, I am approached and receive uncomfortable and unwanted attention. Of course, yeah, it’s nice to hear some compliments about yourself from time to time. Who doesn’t like the occasional attention? It’s just when these compliments turn into expectations for something more that the situation has the ability to evolve into something much more dangerous.

Just because you buy a girl a drink does not mean she is obligated to sleep with you. Just because you tell her she looks beautiful does not mean she owes you her phone number. Continuously asking only puts pressure on her to give you what you want, but do you really want someone to be with you (in whatever fashion) because they were too intimidated to say no (again and again and again)?

Nowadays I hear men say ridiculous things like, “We can’t say anything. Everyone is too sensitive. PC culture. Blah blah blah.” And I think that is stupid bullshit. If you think a woman is beautiful, fine tell her. But don’t expect something in return for paying her a compliment. Don’t move closer to her if she starts to move away. Look at her body language. Does she look uncomfortable? Is she looking around with “help me” eyes?

As humans, it’s really important to know how to read someone’s body language. And honestly it’s not really too hard. You can easily tell if someone is closed off if they’re facing the other direction, not making eye contact, their arms are crossed, or they’re clearly looking for the quickest and easiest way to leave the interaction. If you see these signs, just leave her alone! If she is leaning towards you, her face is open, she is smiling, and clearly trying to continue the conversation, then go for it!

Unfortunately there is often a difference in power between men and women. For this reason, it’s scary to reject a guy who is clearly trying to get something out of you. As much as I’d like to think of myself as a strong and independent woman who takes no bullshit and speaks my mind, I am also 5 foot 3 and cannot realistically take on a 200 lb man who is 6 foot tall if he decides that no isn’t the correct answer.

Yes, of course, there are things like pepper spray and knives. But, it really doesn’t make sense to stab a guy if he asks for your phone number 10 times – or in the least, no matter how aggressive he became, it would be close to impossible to explain to others how unsafe this interaction made you feel that it warranted such a response.

It’s a sad world we live in where a man’s worth is largely determined by the amount of hot girls he can have sex with and a woman’s worth is largely determined by how hot she is. Humans are so much more than this. But, it’s this toxic culture that creates an environment where if a woman says no, it hurts the man’s ego so deeply that he can’t begin to accept it as an answer. And then maybe women will say yes even if they don’t want to because they’re told all their lives that all they are is their appearance.

This culture hurts us all. Women are more than their beauty and men are more than how much sex they have. We should all respect one another for the complexities that make us who we are, not for these superficial and meaningless ways we currently find value in our lives.