grief

I know it’s a little cliche to say that life is short and we should enjoy it while we can. But after recently experiencing the death of a loved one, I’m realizing just how precious our time truly is and how important it is to fill our lives with as much love as possible while we still have the chance.

I’ve been reflecting a lot lately on what is really important in life and what is just a waste of time. And as I collapse on a daily basis from the grief that consumes me, falling into the mental trap that my life is falling apart before my eyes, there are small glimmers of hope that help me get through my days.

Throughout this whole experience, perhaps the most difficult time of my life, I’m still grateful to be alive. I’m grateful for the pain because it shows me just how profound my love for them truly was. I’m grateful for the people who have stayed by my side from the start and supported me through the good and the bad.

I’ve walked away from a lot of bad situations in my life. And at times, I’ve doubted my own judgement. It’s hard to remain resolute when you walk away from everything you’ve ever known. And those losses were painful. It’s difficult to cut ties. But ultimately they were for the best. I left because I had to. For my own happiness. To live my own life. To be free, healthy and safe.

I walked away from pain. And losing someone who I deeply loved has shown me what it’s like to lose compassion. I can feel the difference in every fiber of my being.

I don’t know what to say anymore about this. I think that grief is a long and complicated process that I still don’t fully understand. I’m trying to learn something from this. I’m trying to continue moving forward even though all I want to do is collapse. My mind is all over the place. My emotions make no sense.